


Easy Targets

by clexah



Series: The 100 tumblr ficlets [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Rubicon (the 100), bellamy Blake (mentioned) - Freeform, finn collins (mentioned) - Freeform, post 2x12 (the 100)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-03-13 08:55:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3375437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clexah/pseuds/clexah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The people closest to you are the ones that will get hurt, they are the ones your enemies will be after. If you were to lose them because of what they meant to you, could you ever forgive yourself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Easy Targets

**Author's Note:**

> This is post 2x12. Lexa tries to console Clarke and let her know she did the right thing by fleeing the Tondc.

They were down by the river where she kept trying to scrape off all the dirt and and grime on her hands. She was scrubbing her hands so hard, it felt like her hands were going to fall off. She hadn't been this distraught since she plugged the knife into Finn's chest. Of course she did that out of mercy, she couldn't let him suffer the wrath of the grounders. Here she was thinking of her people, the grounders, of Bellamy. If the Mountain Men saw them evacuating, it wouldn't be long before they realized it was because of Bellamy, and the thought of what would happen to home terrified her. It was better that she and Lexa had fled on their own and sure there were casualties, but true leaders knew when they had to act. She couldn't act based on emotion or mercy, she had to do what would keep the alliance in tact. 

Lexa noticed Clarke scrubbing her hands with such ferocity and as soon as she approached her, Clarke stopped. She wasn't as emotional as she was when she killed the boy she loved, but perhaps she's coming to understand this is war. 

"You did what you had to do, Clarke. If you had moved everyone out from the meeting, the Mountain Men would do far worse to you, to me, to Bellamy, than fire a missile."

"I let people die today! You tell me caring is weakness, love is weakness, but I can't forget what I've done. Their blood is on my hands," screamed a frustrated Clarke.

"Tell me, would you rather have everyone safe at the meeting and lose your closest friend or would you have had a few casualties, but everyone else is safe for another day? We are fighting a war Clarke! You must understand the decisions you make as a leader do not define you as a person. The love and care you have for everyone makes you weak, it is what will kill you one day." 

Lexa had spoken to Clarke in this manner before, it wasn't something that surprised her. But for once, for once, had she wished Lexa would look at her as an actual human being with emotions and not as a leader fighting numerous battles. How did she expect her to ice everyone out and forget what it's like to have emotions?

_How did Lexa do it?_

When Clarke told Bellamy to leave, it was one of the most painful things she had to do. She couldn't bear losing him as well, the thought of him dying at her hands was unbearable. 

How can Lexa not hold anyone close to her heart?

"Clarke!! Clarke do you hear me," Lexa said with a raised but stern voice. It was something she had noticed about her. Lexa never yelled at anyone, but instead she raised her voice with a fierce attitude informing everyone she was the one in charge. 

"I'm sorry. I'm listening, I just... I don't... How do you do it? How does it not terrify of you of not caring?" It was the thought she had been wondering since Lexa told her about Costia. She says love is weakness, but is caring about others weakness as well? Why is it that in order to be a strong leader, you mustn't care about anyone or anything?

"Clarke, the people closest to you are the ones that will always get hurt. The ones your enemies will always be after. When the Ice Nation to Costia from me, I realized I rather hurt myself in the process than have the ones I love stripped from me. At the start, I wanted to love again and care for people, but it was the images of Costia being killed that kept me up at night that I didnt want care anymore. At first, it was terrifying, but then, eventually it got easier."

"I could never do that. I don't want to be weak, but I don't want to not care."

"If you were to lose the people you cared the most for in this world because they had relations to you, could you ever forgive yourself? What you did today was an act of protection for us, for the inside man, if we had evacuated everyone, he would no longer be there."

As hard as it was for her to admit it, Lexa had a point. She has seen enough people suffer because of what they meant to her, because she was the leader, and she couldn't let that happen to someone else. 

"What I do as a leader will not change how I feel about people, but I will never take my feelings into account when calling actions. They make us easy targets, it makes us weak."

The moment those words spewed out of Clarke's mouth she went and sat down on the shore of the water, watching the still waves. They were unaware when something would jump in and transform them into some angry currents, but for now they were soothing to watch. After a while Lexa joined her and they sat there for hours, staring at the water in silence. And when they got up and were ready to face the terror that was Tondc, Clarke would no longer let emotions rule her.


End file.
